For those of you who know me know that I love the subject, discussion, analysis, concept and complexities of love! Years ago, I heard about the book –
The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by
Gary Chapman – which details the five languages of love, specifically Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. And recently I was reminded of it by my great friend, Laura, who suggested I take
the quiz to understand which of the five languages made me feel most loved.
Before we get into the quiz, though, I’d like to relay a sense of each of the love languages for a bit of foundation:
- Words of Affirmation – For this person, actions don’t necessarily speak louder than words. Saying “I love you” and speaking kind and encouraging words are paramount.
- Acts of Service – Vacuuming, picking up the kids, cooking dinner – anything you do to lessen the responsibilities for this person means everything,
- Receiving Gifts – This person sees the thought, care and effort behind a gift and feels completely loved in this way.
- Quality Time – Nothing says “I love you” like spending time together and giving this person your whole, undivided attention.
- Physical Touch – A hug, kiss, back rub, touch of the arm – any kind of physicality – makes this person feel loved.
Now back to the quiz. There were 30 questions asking you to choose your preference between two options. For me, it turned out that quality time was most important (10), followed closely by physical touch (9), and then words of affirmation (6), receiving gifts (4) and acts of service (1). Not only do these results provide valuable information in terms of understanding how you want to be loved in a relationship, they also allow you to communicate this vital information to your significant other.
And on that note, your partner and her/his love language play an equally important role in this analysis. It’s crucial to understand how to love your partner the way she wants to be loved. If your partner hasn’t taken the quiz – and doesn’t want to – her/his love language preferences may be easier to determine than you would think as the signs are probably all there. According to Chapman, “How does your partner normally try to love you? The love shown you is probably how your partner wants to be loved. What does your partner ask of you most often? Help around the house? More physical intimacy? Time together? The love they’re asking for most often is probably how they want to be loved… What aggravates/frustrates/saddens your partner the most in your relationship when it’s missing? The love he or she is missing probably indicates how he or she wants to be loved”.
As I pondered these five languages of love, I wondered if the importance and rankings of the love languages would change as your relationship with your significant other matures and changes over time. And how about as you change individually over the course of your life? I’m thinking at this point that it’s time to read the book because I’m guessing that these questions will be artfully and clearly answered by reading through the pages.
But before I do that, what are your thoughts on the subject? Have you ever taken the love language quiz? If so, did it seem consistent with how you want to be loved? And did it help you in understanding your partner’s love languages? I can’t wait to hear.
